So we recently got our first picture of Season 5 and the promise of an epic return this October. Now, I don't know about you, but waiting until October seems like something that might cause seizures if I had an even slightly weaker constitution. I have a million theories about what's going to happen. However, none of my theories are as important as these 10 things that I really REALLY need to happen. It's for my health.
1. I need Carol to save the group in Terminus. Preferably with a machine gun, bandanna, and Tyreese clasped to her thigh.
2. I need Eugene to awkwardly hit on every women in the camp. Maybe he can slowly run his fingers through his silky mullet while doing so. He will give you a flattened penny to show his favor.
3. I need Beth to be okay. I just... I just really need this, okay? Also, can she have a puppy?
4. Carl, I'ma need you to shut the fuck up. Alright? You've been up and down on my annoyance meter since season two and it's time to zip it. So let's just shush it a bit, kay? Stop being crazy.
5. I need Daryl to get a woman. When he was friends with Carol, I shipped it like no tomorrow. When he was with Beth, I cried over their beautiful love. Now let's just bite the bullet and give the fans what they want. I don't even care who it's with at this point.
6. I need some psychos. Think quislings from World War Z. Or someone who had to put down their family and now they're an angel of death who puts people out of their "misery". You know, people who are still alive and have survived this long but are just not there anymore.
7. I need Michonne to call someone bourgeois. Preferably while holding the last surviving tetrapack of soy milk and wearing a sarong. You know there are still some bourgey bitches in the apocalypse.
8. I need Glenn to take over for Rick or at least share that responsibility. Partly just because I'm happier when the world doesn't revolve around Rick, but also because why the hell hasn't this happened yet?
9. I need Rick's dad game to level up to 1,000. The only capacity I really want Rick in next season is telling dumb dad jokes and making silly faces at Judith.
10. I need food to get stuck in Abraham's mustache. I mean epic amounts of food. I want him to trail crumbs wherever he goes and make him the worst person for Judith to play hide and seek with because you always know where he is. I want it to be a running joke for the group that if they run out of food they can forage in his stache. I want entire kitchens to get lost in it.
Season 5 Must Haves
1. I need Carol to save the group in Terminus. Preferably with a machine gun, bandanna, and Tyreese clasped to her thigh.
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| This is an accurate representation of what it would look like. |
2. I need Eugene to awkwardly hit on every women in the camp. Maybe he can slowly run his fingers through his silky mullet while doing so. He will give you a flattened penny to show his favor.
3. I need Beth to be okay. I just... I just really need this, okay? Also, can she have a puppy?
4. Carl, I'ma need you to shut the fuck up. Alright? You've been up and down on my annoyance meter since season two and it's time to zip it. So let's just shush it a bit, kay? Stop being crazy.
5. I need Daryl to get a woman. When he was friends with Carol, I shipped it like no tomorrow. When he was with Beth, I cried over their beautiful love. Now let's just bite the bullet and give the fans what they want. I don't even care who it's with at this point.
6. I need some psychos. Think quislings from World War Z. Or someone who had to put down their family and now they're an angel of death who puts people out of their "misery". You know, people who are still alive and have survived this long but are just not there anymore.
7. I need Michonne to call someone bourgeois. Preferably while holding the last surviving tetrapack of soy milk and wearing a sarong. You know there are still some bourgey bitches in the apocalypse.
8. I need Glenn to take over for Rick or at least share that responsibility. Partly just because I'm happier when the world doesn't revolve around Rick, but also because why the hell hasn't this happened yet?
9. I need Rick's dad game to level up to 1,000. The only capacity I really want Rick in next season is telling dumb dad jokes and making silly faces at Judith.
10. I need food to get stuck in Abraham's mustache. I mean epic amounts of food. I want him to trail crumbs wherever he goes and make him the worst person for Judith to play hide and seek with because you always know where he is. I want it to be a running joke for the group that if they run out of food they can forage in his stache. I want entire kitchens to get lost in it.
So what am I missing? What are your necessities for Season 5?
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